You can listen to this story by pressing “play” below and read along with the text that follows.
Thangbrand’s Transgression by P.J. Kaiser
The sound of the sparrows cavorting in the trees just outside the window echoed through the stone chamber of King Olaf’s castle. He sat atop his throne, having heard some alarming news in the wee hours of the morning and quickly convened this assemblage. His robes had been draped over his body hastily and his closest four advisors had been called from their beds to join him. Unshaven and bleary-eyed, they sat in their prescribed seats adjacent to the throne. The advisors blinked heavily, propped their chins up with their hands and dozed for a moment while they awaited their special guest.
A cough, which sounded as though the cougher were close to losing a lung, echoed through the chamber. Thangbrand the Priest, his tattered burgundy robes dragging the ground behind him, stumbled into the room. He attempted to straighten his posture before continuing his procession toward the King. He swaggered and swayed across the cold, gray stones and stopped upon arriving atop the red carpet before the throne.
“Your highness, Thangbrand the Priest at your service.” Thangbrand, hat in hand, swept both arms to one side and bowed so deeply he lost his balance and stumbled. He righted himself and in the awkward silence that followed, a loud hiccup emanated from his gullet.
The advisors stifled giggles and the King’s mouth opened in indignation. “Thangbrand! This is the final straw. I absolutely do not know what to do with you. The Kingdom of Norway cannot support your misdeeds any longer. Tell me what happened last night and please provide any reason why I should let you off this time.”
Thangbrand the Priest swallowed hard and squared his shoulders. It was impossible to tell if he was preparing for his convincing argument, or swallowing hard so he wouldn’t vomit. “Your Highness, I beg your forgiveness. I was on my way home after mass last night -“
An advisor, Fadn, interrupted, “Don’t you mean you were on your way home from the alehouse?”
Thangbrand shrugged a shoulder. “Well, I might have stopped by at the alehouse for a short while after the mass. Anyway, I encountered a man who was cursing the name of your Highness, King Olaf, and he was saying that Norway had never had a worse King.”
The King’s eyes grew wide. “Really? He said that?”
The priest nodded. “Yes, yes of course he did. And I grew so incensed that I drew my blade and spilt his guts on the road.”
The King said, “So, am I to understand that you took it upon yourself to kill this young knave because he spoke out against me?”
“Yes, your Highness. Indeed it is the truth.”
“Do any of you have any information to refute Thangbrand’s version of the events? Fadn?”
Fadn, upon hearing his name, shook his eyes open. “Well, your Highness. The version of events that I heard was that the poor lad was the boyfriend of a certain young lass named Theos.”
All of the men in the chamber, excepting Thangbrand himself and a couple of still-sleeping advisors, sighed and nodded as the truth of the situation sank in. The last time Thangbrand had come before the King due to his misdeeds it was for impregnating young Theos. The King had found a family in the countryside willing to take in Theos and her future child in exchange for an annual stipend.
The trenchant Thangbrand spoke up, “No! It’s not true. I tell you that although I had consumed a modest amount of ale, the events are as I said. Out of the blue this young lad came up to me …”
“Silence.” Declared the King. He scratched his chin. “We have no witnesses and no evidence of either story, but of one thing I am sure. Trouble follows you, Thangbrand the Priest. You are a wise and learned man and you take your work seriously when you aren’t misbehaving. I have a special errand for you that, if you succeed, will be your life’s work and will bring you fame throughout the land. If you fail, well, you’ll be too far away to bring further shame on my kingdom and my crown. You will depart for Iceland tomorrow. See if you can be recovered from the after effects of the ale by that time.”
Thangbrand’s jaw dropped. “Iceland? Whatever for?”
“Why, to convert the heathen to Christianity, of course, brother Thangbrand.”
Thangbrand’s eyes blinked twice, he leaned over grasping his stomach and vomited on the King’s red carpet. With difficulty, he righted himself, wiped his mouth with his sleeve and said, “Yes, Your Highness.”
The sparrows song faded as daylight fully broke and streamed in through the windows. Thangbrand turned his back to the King and shuffled out the door.
{This story is inspired by the true story of Thangbrand as told in the poem “Thangbrand the Priest” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.}
Thanks for reading and/or listening! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!
Nice story. I think it could be a little tighter, but it's still pretty nice.
Sonia – Thanks for stopping by and reading my story. You're absolutely right – it could have benefited from more editing
It's a nice story but I agree with Sonia, it could tighten it up a bit more, for example "A cough, which sounded as though the cougher were close to losing a lung, echoed through the chamber. " Rather than say all that describe the cough – a rasping cough, or gravelly cough echoed through the chamber etc.
Helen – I very much appreciate the comment. I made one scrupulous editing pass through it (and thank goodness i did!) but there's still more to do for sure. Thanks for reading!
You and me, PJ! We'll bring audio life to #fridayflash.
How many takes did you do on this one? I only caught one stumble, at about 1:00. As usual, you have that sort of motherly storytelling sensibility that always wins me over. The qualities of the reading helped draw me into deeper curiosity about the nature of his transgression.
John – Thanks so much for your comment – yes, i'm really trying to post audio with each and every story. It's been easy recently because i haven't been that prolific
I'm glad you're enjoying it and i hope others are also
I don't know the Longfellow poem, but Norway did convert Iceland to Christianity – was it down to a drunken, lecherous Priest? Hilarious if so. Nice job PJ
Marc – I adore the story of Thangbrand – such beautiful and humorous images. There might be future work based on our friend Thangbrand the Priest
That says a lot about Christianity, if a country can be converted by a lascivious drunk! Good tale.
Thanks for reading, Icy – I had a feeling you might like that one
I also would like to know how many takes it took. I agree with alot of the comments. Some spots need not be so wordy. I didn't follow as I listened and I only noted a couple of spots that were wordy. You are a great reader and I am a big audio book person.
I'm not familiar with the history of it, but I enjoyed this. I can't listen at work, but I'll have to give it a try once I get home.
Thanks so much for checking out my story, Danni- glad you enjoyed it
Well told. A very sympathetic character, for some reason, despite his murdering, whorish behavior.
Matt – Funny, I'm glad you found him sympathetic. It would be horrible news to get in light of such a hangover
Jeff – This one took around 7 takes or so. More than normal. I did it 2 or 3 times and went WAY over time and realized i had more editing to do so i cut about 200 words and then was able to fit it (barely). When the length is good from the start, i can normally do it in 2-3 takes on average. Depends on how many awkward sentences i come upon which i then have to edit
So glad you liked the recording and I'll definitely see to the additional editing.
Great humour in this story. So this is how Christianity came to Iceland, who knew?
Virginia – If Longfellow is to be believed, then Thangbrand certainly had a hand in it. I have some further research to do if I want to consider continuing the tale
Thangbrand is my kind of priest and this flash is very different to your other stories I’ve read. Have you dipped into historical fiction before? It seems well researched. Also, I have to say the audios you and Icy posted this week have inspired me to subject the world to my own dulcet tones, thanks.
Jason – glad you liked it! Although I've dabbled in many different genres, I think I tend to gravitate towards either historical fiction or speculative fiction. At least, that's where my muse tends to be leading me at the moment, and wherever she leads, i generally follow
Glad you'll be trying out some audio – maybe this post will help http://pjkaiser.com/2011/04/06/what-is-spoken-sun…
Kudos to you PJ, for being able to gather sympathy for a sort like this drunkard priest. I didn't know it was Norway that converted Iceland to Christianity, but I sure want to know more from your point of view.
Thanks so much, Mari – I'm so glad you enjoyed it (and are intrigued by the story!)
Very well told. I enjoyed this one.
Thanks for stopping by and reading, Catherine – I'm glad you enjoyed it
I didn't know that Norway converted Iceland and that it was a drunken priest who did so. I wonder how he got along over there. I agree it could be tightened up as well, but I like how you set the stage and movements of the characters.
Lara – Learn something new every day
Thanks for reading – glad you liked it 
I saw Thor last night and am reminded of it (LOVED the movie, btw). Now I think I'm into all things medieval and Norway-ish, especially this story. Loved it, PJ!
Cathy – I haven't seen the movie – haven't seen any movie in ages and ages. Will try to check that one out, tho! Glad you enjoyed the story
Well, I like the coughing up a lung part.
Loved this, PJ. I had no idea about this story either, but I can see how it sparked your imagination. This really came to life for me.
Lou – Thanks so much for your comment – I'm glad you enjoyed it and felt like the characters were real. They were quite real in my mind, i wasn't sure if i got it on paper, as it were.
So back in the day if you were a well-respected and successful individual, you could get away with murder? I guess some things never change.
I agree that there could have been some tightening, but there is a very good story with some very good lines in here.
Good job.
Michael – Yes, a shocking turn of events, eh? Glad you enjoyed the story – thanks for your comment!
Nice work – I enjoyed this, especially the bit about the cough that sounded like he was loosing a lung – I have a neighbour like that hahaha
Haha, nice story. I guess the coughing up a lung bit is a little wordy, but it evoked an image for me that simply saying "a hacking cough" or something wouldn't have achieved.
Lee-Ann – Thanks for your comment – yeah, I think the challenge is to figure out where it's prudent to include the extra description and where it's just superfluous. Still working on that, I guess
Wordy or not… I still dug it. …The audio reading as well…
Anthony – thanks for reading *and* listening – glad you enjoyed it
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Fun story PJ, and you've taught me a lot I didn't know, (as, it seems, others as well). I agree, you have a nice storytelling voice too.
Deanna – thanks so much for stopping by and having a listen! Glad you enjoyed it